Are any women honestly attracted to men? I feel very confused about this now. I always felt like I was bisexual and just liked whoever I found attractive with a good personality that I connected with. I was always more into women overall but I used to be able to be attracted to individual men. So when I felt like I wanted to date I figured I’d try dating men first and see how that went because obviously that’s much easier to fit in. I’ve already always been weird enough by this society’s insane terms. But the more I’ve actually been around men and the more I learn about how they actually act and how brutal they have been to women throughout space and time for seemingly all of our history and how most of them are complete disgusting perverts, the more I find them completely repulsive and feel sickened by having to deal with them at all. Any small lingering sexual thought I have towards any man at this point is immediately accompanied by feeling like I’m going to vomit.
They have been raping, beating, mutilating, torturing, and brainwashing us for as far back as we can see. Even very ancient bones show the women’s skulls bashed in and their arms broken. We’ve spent so much effort trying to free ourselves from them. None of this seems like we ever wanted to be with them and they never cared about us besides using us to reproduce them and for their slave labor. Not exactly a love story.
This is such a painful and confusing thing to talk about because so many women love some men. I still love my male family members. Other women have male family they love. Lots of women have husbands they love romantically. We’re so intertwined with them. It’s hard to even think these things that there is something evil about them but I can’t ignore all the evidence in front of my face that there is. I believe they all have evil in them but some can control it better than most. But will it still inevitably come out in every man at some point? I don’t know.
I keep thinking about bed bugs where the males use traumatic insemination to impregnate the females, where they basically just stab the females bodies and inject their sperm. It’s obviously a highly destructive horrible act that the females try to avoid, but since they can’t avoid it they developed a specialized spot where they get the males to focus on to mitigate the damage… Is this what an orgasm is for us?!? We can’t avoid them hurting us so our bodies do things to lessen the damage. Is the penis inherently violent? Is it at weapon, rather than just something that they have weaponized with all their raping? Are all our sexual urges simply a response to their violence? I’ve been thinking about it for a while and can’t get it out of my head lately.
I read some things a while back that women wrote arguing that women are not naturally attracted to men that were very convincing and have had me thinking about this for a while. (I’ll post them later when I’m on my computer, on my phone now.) And looking back at everything I’ve learned throughout my life from my own experiences, things women have told me, and all the extensive reading I have done, now I’m really thinking it is not real to be attracted to them at all.
If it was why would they have to imprison and rape us and force a lifetime of brainwashing on us? And still it barely takes. Even the women who say they are totally straight will typically say that penises are ugly and will have higher standards for what they actually want than the vast majority of men can fulfill even though the standards are still so low.
I always found only such a small number of them attractive at all, a good looking man is rare, while there’s a pretty woman around every corner. I at first thought women just generally accepted that most men are ugly and were willing to accept them because women are kind and loving. But I thought that most women would only be actually attracted to the pretty boys that I was. The guys that are typically the most wanted by women are the cute and “feminine” looking ones, like boy band type guys are wanted by so many women. Then I eventually realized that lots of women say they are attracted to all these big hairy troll looking dudes and it left me very confused.
I tried to like men. I tried to love them. They are just not lovable and I ended up hating them now. I don’t want to feel hate, I wish they could just quit being so awful but it took women so much work just to get them this “good” that I seriously doubt they are going to get significantly better.
I tried to be “normal” and just get with a dude. I found a little cute one that seemed decent and had a relationship with him. I really loved him and cared about him right up until he decided he was done with me after I had been severely injured and ill for years and needed a lot of help and he turned into a huge asshole after so many years together. I don’t even know how much I ever was really attracted to any man though. When I would see my ex from behind I would look at his cute little smooth body and think he kind of looks like a woman and get turned on. When we would be out somewhere in dim light and someone would see two people the same size with both long hair and refer to us as “ladies” at first glance I would get turned on by that too. That just sounds really gay honestly, like I was always just a lesbian in denial and I thought I could fit in and be normal if I could find a guy that was enough like a woman, but not in a weird tranny way, that I could get into it.
From lots of things I’ve read in radical feminist spaces, where women are allowed to be brutally honest with all their thoughts and feelings, it seems pretty common for women to lose attraction towards men after really learning about them. And it is very common for women to gain attraction towards other women too. So bi women will become lesbian or women who feel like they are only straight will then feel like they are now bi or even completely lesbian too. I didn’t think I could get more attracted towards women because I’ve always been into women already but I have too, thinking about how strong we are to have endured all this has made women even more beautiful to me. So I used to feel like I was bisexual in a relationship with a man and so didn’t have any need to announce to people that I like women too. But apparently now I’m just a “closeted” lesbian. I feel very confused and weird about what other people’s reactions might be. I don’t have any actual friends any more and family is all distant and my mom is the only one I actually care about her reactions to things. She would freak out if I have a girlfriend at some point, but she would get over it too. So whatever I guess.
I really wonder about other women’s thoughts that are learning all this stuff about men’s biological and social reality and really understanding it, who are partnered with a man or even just feeling attraction towards men. When I started really truly learning the truth it blew my fucking mind, when I first came across Sheila Jeffreys “Beauty and Misogyny” suddenly I say the ugliness in everything that I could only glimpse before. A fucking horror show covered in beautiful wrapping. I was with a man at the time and it created so much cognitive dissonance wondering if there was something horrible going on inside his head too, wondering if there was something evil in all of them. I do believe there is evil energy attached to the Y. There is something missing from them with all the genes they are missing compared to us and there is something horrific that is connected to them somehow.
I no longer have any idea how to deal with men even in regular casual interactions. I don’t want to be mean or rude to random strangers but I’m tired of being nice to them because I know it’s going to result in something negative for me, even with just the smallest interactions, if I am polite to male neighbors and cashiers and the goddamn UPS asshole it will result in them taking the opportunity to insult me and laugh in my face while they do it and tell me it was a joke. Sure they won’t all do it and possibly some of them might be nice, I have no way of knowing, but showing any sort of basic human politeness is setting up so many of them to do something bad. Every little interaction adds up too. Someone insulting you is not such a big deal but a culture where it’s normal for men to make constant effort to bring you down is a big deal, it wears you down bit by bit.
There is always the possibility of course that small interactions you thought were normal and polite will lead to creepy obsessions, like the scary drunken neighbor who was clearly out of his mind and would try to run out of his house and follow me every time I walked my dog. I’ve gotten so lucky in life that I’ve managed to have never been raped or hit. But men still have fucked me up badly with their insanity. Men following me in their cars when I went for walks alone at dusk until I got scared and ran away, men screaming at me, men insulting me, men groping me, men just generally acting like fucking psychos, and worst of all the asshole doctors have all traumatized me. And a horrible piece of shit neighbor abused his dogs and trained then to attack then let them loose in the neighborhood where they were able to run into my yard and kill two of my precious cats which was the most horrific experience. That stuff was all plenty bad enough to fuck me up.
And every time another friend got raped or some other awful thing that some man did to her all really fucked me up too. All the cumulative horror of being trapped in this hell dimension with these demons weighs heavily on me. When it gets quiet sometimes it’s like I can hear the tortured screams of all women crying for freedom as we’re all painfully tortured. So honestly how could we be attracted to them?
When I see an ugly man now I think about how much raping his ancestors must have done because women wouldn’t have been choosing them. That is what ugliness actually is, rapeyness. I don’t ever look at a woman and think she’s ugly, plenty of women are not attractive to me but I don’t think they are ugly. I think that ugliness that I am seeing in lots of men is just the evil in them showing through.
Now all I can think about is getting away from these demons and doing everything I can to help my sisters, all women, to be less handicapped than what they have forced on us in any way I possibly can. I want only female friends and business partners. Eventually I’d like to find a woman to love. I only have basic interactions with male family anyway. The only male I want to be around anymore is my sweet innocent *neutered* boy cat.
Writing next all about the ritual mutilation of girls hands and feet.